Suzana Kalcic

#014 Communication, Confidence And Empathy With Shola Kaye Transcript

#014 communication, confidence and empathy with shola kaye transcript


Please note the following transcript will contain errors as it is automated and is not always accurate but you will get the gist!


hi I’m Suzana Kalcic and you’re listening to Life In Practice podcast I’m curious about the big questions in life and how we can experience more meaning and fulfillment every day join me as my guests share their challenges successes and what it means to put our purpose our bodies and our lives in practice hello and welcome to the life and practice podcast this is your host Suzana today my guest is Shola Kaye so it is a communications specialist keynote speaker and and %HESITATION %HESITATION author welcome Shola hi this is on a really good to be with you today so nice to have you here so I got to know you through %HESITATION Toastmasters and you’re someone that has always inspired me and I have always the ticket up to you and %HESITATION what I really like is that %HESITATION you’re so like and the way you communicate it’s just so confident and smooth then you’re also so warm and %HESITATION and raw relatable as well and I think that’s such a powerful combination and I wanted to ask you is this something that you were just born ways is that how you were like us as a as a child growing up or M. tell me a bit %HESITATION how how it was for you when you were growing up is this something I just you just had this spark or is it somebody how to develop over time I thank you for those kind of things are not I would definitely say that I am a natural introvert so %HESITATION as a kid I was always that because that was wrapped up with a book a cold up in a corner somewhere reading rather than out sort of playing with other kids and and socializing so I would say that seven intensive the way the I interact with people that is definitely something that scum with confidence I wouldn’t say it’s something that I’ve had to learn passe but I think the more confident I’ve become the more I’ve been able to relax and just be myself and %HESITATION I I typically like simple communication nothing too complex and everybody knows what’s what’s going on and as somebody who is at bit of internet and who has struggled to communicate in the policy I think it’s really important to be relatable said that everybody feels comfortable around me and that it’s it’s very easy to strike up conversation and say to be a little bit vulnerable and Shay what masses rather than keeping things at the surface level absolutely that is so true nine AM can you tell me a bit then how did you start to %HESITATION to get into a public speaking because I think your %HESITATION your %HESITATION %HESITATION education was in science is that correct you come from a science background yes that’s right I do come from a science background and %HESITATION I studied chemistry and %HESITATION sort of kemet chemistry related fields when I was at a level and says you know into a university and I had a job I was teaching for a while so is teaching in secondary schools in London and then I decided I wanted to move to the states and so I studied for a while that and then took a job as a consultant and I found that like a lot of people who study the site says they’re not prepared to do a lot of communication apart from past writing papers and things academic papers and I found that I was really struggling once I left academia and then took a corporate job I really struggled to get my point across and I think I was working as a consultant and it’s even more important if you’re sharing ideas as a consultant that you can decide in a way that’s quite a particular and I really did find it was very difficult not any because I wasn’t into that I was working in the USA with people tend to be more %HESITATION more taxi and and pass more outgoing anyway then we Brits and then on top of that not ever having had any real skills the old communication training to full so I found myself after a period of time it is still they put me on probation actually made me feel I was just being lazy also if not not wanting to do a decent job and %HESITATION so one of my colleagues luckily she decided that she would set coming in with what’s given in the mornings and then just built my confidence up every time and then when I decided that I would leave the corporate world I thought it was really important for me to improve my communication skills we’ll see by that time they reached it at a higher level than they had been in the past but I still felt that it was something I wanted to work on and %HESITATION I ended up becoming a professional singer after this this time in corporate which is kind of the way transition but it always been a dream of mine to sing and when I decided to leave Cooper I thought well why don’t you just do the thing that was your dream indicates so I took singing lessons and then ended up singing professionally for a number of years and I think it was the the the confidence I got from singing professionally and regularly appearing in front of audiences that made me think well I. need to revisit this public speaking being in this communication whack and that’s when I doing taste most is and really enjoy the journey back did some coaching and training with other people and other organizations and that’s where the the sort of fascination with communication came into it and then serve combining it with my with my experiences into that and then also with my experiences on stage as a as a singer that kind of made for a bit of a blend the I share with my clients today when I’m doing coaching yeah that’s that’s that’s great and it’s so true I find sometimes like the very thing that you that you struggle with you can that’s actually the thing that you will end up being really really good at because you you want to improve and I always think that’s a really I am a really good journey to to to see how someone goes from something that they they had a a a a struggle with and then they just do something really really great with it but what I really think that you’ve done an amazing job to somebody he’s a stammer and joining Thai smallest is winning awards at times most days and now if you’ll pull cost I think it’s incredible yeah yeah M. that is true in %HESITATION our tagline %HESITATION asking speakers is actually transform your biggest weakness %HESITATION into your greatest strength so that so we want to encourage people even that you have to have it at a speech impediment a a as a stammer or or social anxiety that it is something that they they can come through on the other side and be confident communicators I think communication is so important %HESITATION to have that skill it’s really really vital more amazing your bid is the forty one eighty C. deal yeah I’d I’d done a bit of %HESITATION the samba so yeah I W. W. does help being %HESITATION you know I guess being on stage where you where you don’t speak you get that experience of being %HESITATION of being in in front of an audience so yeah it does it definitely does help so I completely %HESITATION I can see how your %HESITATION experience off singing on stage has helped you to become a really great at a great speaker on stage thank you and damn about I wanna ask because %HESITATION M. waste your journey to %HESITATION public speaking %HESITATION I know you had some challenging experiences are up I am you had some challenging experiences %HESITATION at your work and it because I remembered for %HESITATION from hearing your your story on the on your at ten X. speech about what happened and how like propel G. to make a change yes absolutely and it it’s it’s something I like to share with people because at the time %HESITATION it was I found it really tough to deal with that when you reflect challenging experiences the fast corporate job I had mentioned any of the I. E. as in into that kind of thing but I wasn’t speaking up enough in meetings and I’ve I’ve been asked to learn to be a co chair of never done cutting full set a lot of things %HESITATION sort of thing to convey and I felt like I wasn’t performing very well but when %HESITATION if my boss says I guess Nate’s historical me into the office I thought they were gonna say that they would finance a mental or pack similar training tools and then they ended up putting me on probation and that was quite a mess of nasty surprises me because I I I hadn’t realized that they thought it was bad enough that you know my job was in danger said %HESITATION as I mentioned it a colleague of mine to help me out and she gave me some support which was ready ready ready useful and signs up stay in that deal for a number of EA’s beyond that but then the same thing happened I had a new job is now back in London and fed them to within the state I can understand I’ve been hired to be an account director and once again I think this is just lack of confidence in you Roland and every time schools that confidence grows but you need to feel that you’re being supported during those days any days weeks months way of just getting to grips with things and I had this job as an account director I wasn’t speaking up to committee meetings and are not always based they have been leading these meetings and also six months they actually called me into the V. that then manager at his office and they said well look we’ve we get have to let you go because your clients feel that you’re not adding enough value in meetings and safe for me to have these two situations occur and as as someone who’s always been a really hard worker at school and we tried hard and very conscientious it was a real and I’m just kicking the teeth to be honest and I had this pair do I thought right I I just don’t think I I would work in a cool place again I just felt and combination of feeling unsupported by these companies but %HESITATION said feigning disappointed in myself that I wasn’t able to perform better and so that’s when I thought well what’s what would I love to do if I decided not to work in the corporate world and that’s when I thought when I was a kid I always wanted to be a singer and that’s when I decided %HESITATION take singing lessons and and and then you know from that as I mentioned I sort of became a singer and then got interested in speaking but in my text will guide I took the empathy at work and it’s interesting because at the time I wasn’t thinking that there was any lack of empathy shown to me with these two incidences that had taken place but I think the what place is much different now some is somewhat different than it was this is probably twenty years ago and when all this happened and what place is very different now I think people will roll and understanding of for example intervention Ole at the something called stereotype threat which is when you have a minority and they are aware that they belong to and all that that this particular stereotypes attached to them they feel under threat and they tend to underperform and that’s something that’s been seen with with women in the workplace with minorities units of racial minorities a disabilities and so on and so I think nowadays is more awareness of that that pops in and what happened to me in those days was a combination of stereotype threat being an introvert being new to the role that things can kind of come together and and ensure that you don’t perform at your best and so when I talk about empathy in the workplace Nalan among Keenan’s tool soul at this time you know online toolbox I often ask people I I sort of tell them what happened to me and what can I say what would you have done if you had a colleague goal someone on your team who’s performing like that what would you have done and so quite often the also the come back of that maybe they they’re they’re being nice to me because I’m running the session that typically Beyonce’s comeback with things like they would say how can I support you what can we do for you do you need some training do you need some help he needs at citrus sector it seems I’m what place has definitely moved on in terms of wanting to support the vespertine wanted spoke with different skills and different abilities %HESITATION isn’t it to to do that best I’ll bet as a say at that time it wasn’t quite sick he wasn’t quite so prevalent but it’s given me lots to talk about and lots of ways to bond with my audiences with that story absolutely I’m just you know just for M. me to hear that you know that your %HESITATION let go for the you were let go I’m from a a a job because you’re being too quiet and now you’re like this you know you have a a a tentec speech you’re you’re a communication nationalist it’s just like such an amazing jump on that like how does that make you feel when you see that that that that that comparison with those two %HESITATION those two different experiences of yourself yeah I think he’s on a it’s it’s it’s funny because that was such a long time ago and I think you probably know this way regarding being a speaker and I always encourage my clients you know so we we we always tell people to share those difficult times in your life because there it’s the it’s the difficulties that help people bond with each other and quite often client sale that was ten years ago that was fifteen years ago if it you know it’s not affecting me now but it might still help somebody else said it’s interesting you asking me will you know how do I feel about this the transition because it seems like such a long time ago that I was always two different paths and then but I think things happen gradually that name then we look back and it seems like it will happen in one go so who I am they definitely I mean I’m really happy that I’m able to share my story and shared the insecurities I had in the problems I had to help other people see that Hey yes but if you can do it why can’t I you know I’m I’m no worse than that let me up again so that’s really what and what I like to bring out the best in my story that hopefully it will encourage others to to to to go to areas that they they couldn’t perform well in absolutely not so Terry and %HESITATION so I wanna ask you so if if there was someone right now %HESITATION he’s watching this and and they feel the same maybe there’d really quiet at work they don’t have the %HESITATION the confidence to to speak up and speak out what would you say to them right what would your advice be where where could they start I’d say there’s a few things that you can do if you’re feeling that way I think if if it’s somebody who’s currently being called on to speak up a lot in meetings right now that I think it being this the quickest and easiest thing today is to enlist the help of a colleague because for example in many sayings if you’re a it’s very hard to feel something he’s quite ten states or you don’t you don’t see the full full when you say I did what often happens is people tends to KVH and then they developed a habit of looking at the usual disregarding the things that you say and that can be really demoralizing so one thing you can do is talk to a support of colleagues axes in the same meetings is the age and then say states that Kohli will women the meeting the next meeting if something comes up that way you know I have an opinion %HESITATION you know and I said something at that that’s of value why didn’t you promise me a what do you say something like I will show you and I were talking about that last week and showed what were your views and then it’s that little bit of extra encouragement that will help that has not quite pleasant to speak up and also knowing that there’s somebody in the room that support save and and he wants to wants to help them and the forwards and he’s been briefed beforehand so I think that says a quick and easy thing to do if you have some allies Ole people who are close to you that you can confide in at work then I’d also say of course to take some training at least I think when I ate when this happened to me all these years ago I didn’t even didn’t occur to me to look can do anything cool school to even get a book I just I don’t know why I just didn’t even think I just thought I was alone but always easy day means the heat during this time of the moment please send much communication is happening online is also the only cool cities that are available on platforms like eating me at this book as organizations like taste most is witcher right now they’re on line as well so you can join any club anyway it doesn’t have to be a local club it is also looking to speak to get to practice more immediately than that they’re all things you can do like a memorized little frame works for example one frame like he’s cool the peat free like P. triple A. P. and the way that works is it’s really great to be in Austin opinion because any let’s say someone said to me and I’ll show you what’s your opinion on a in a traffic in central London right so I might say well I I think that in the future at some point traffic will be a non emergency traffic will be bands and then all the mystery eighties awful examples so I might say well for example if you look at city X. yeah this is what’s happening that another example is that the application is so high that it seemed good to be problematic if we have too much traffic and and someone says we’ll see give three examples and then you drop out with your final points and with your points in game just to kind of close out what you said and there are a ton of little famous Lebanese about you in the book it’s not been published yet but it’s cool to speak up on the spot but they’re not suffering likes that you can find on the internet and I think when you have a framework even if you’re not sure exactly what you’re gonna say as long as he knows this the steps from a to B. O. A. C. C. that can be viewed in an amount of comfort that you’ll be using it as a sort of well trodden pathway and then you can just sort of hang your index information off the various steps I think free what can really help and that the good thing about the music practice in the hood you might kind of mow cop the question that you might be lost in the meeting and then just to see how you would get your opinion across nothing those three else it is not for the things you could do as well but I think those three would be a really good style somebody has to be afraid of I’m not afraid that bit reluctant to speak up there’s some really really great points I am a really really loves that and yeah I can definitely %HESITATION say like from my experience going to the %HESITATION Toastmasters that’s like such a huge help just constantly being there with with with a with a group at speaking out and also let you know %HESITATION dissing of %HESITATION prepared speeches of the with that you’ve got you know you can you can write your own %HESITATION %HESITATION framework but then also doing at table topics we get to practice the %HESITATION the the the the the M. from chase speaking style as well I just think it’s such a great environment to %HESITATION it B. N. M. O. yeah really really helps a lot and J. M. now if if someone maybe if like maybe they’ve gone through that so now they feel a lot more confident in communicating and maybe they they they would like to take on speaking %HESITATION pub up professionally M. what would you say to them like how was your journey like %HESITATION to to becoming a professional speaker yes good question this is ana and it’s I think everybody has a different journey becoming a professional speaker is no simple pathway and you get people that have done it a couple of speech is a right way is the book of all day the speaking gig that pays handsomely I’m ready now and there is no booking basically have to create your own opportunities says %HESITATION %HESITATION intensive becoming a paid speaker I’d say the very first thing someone needs to do is think about who they want to speak to and what they want to speak about because there are so many different audiences seventy different groups that you could speak to so many different needs intensive topics and these days because speaking so competitive it’s really important to see to have a an niece all to have this specialism can you have a lot of people that say well I can speak on any topic and that instantly will disqualify you from a lot of opportunities because they want specialists and generalists the very first thing is to I think to do an audit of the experiences that you’ve had the jobs that you’ve you’ve had the roles you’ve you’ve had the interest that you you have and then to the site where you will focus upon with you speaking and it doesn’t have to be forever it might just be for the first six months just to get you in the door and to give you some practice and give me some opportunities because I’d always say to leverage what you have before you try and jump to something new so for example if you’ve worked in the coop the corporate arena arena in the centre all the leverage that leverage that in information that you have leverage the contacts that you have installed then and then maybe after a few months you might say okay we’ll really tricky I want to speak about health wellness saw would speak about me and and that’s fine you can sort of once you’ve got a little bit of a foot in the door then you can branch off to other areas but the most important thing is to really get started so I’d say that’s the very first thing and then to start thinking about all the people you know with the contacts you have where can you get to speak and where can you get some footage from and some testimonials because I want to go to fatigue and testimonials and some speech ideas you can create little website or even if it isn’t just a Facebook page or linkedin profile and then once you’ve got that and you’ve got some videos people can start to see a cal this is what this person does a split their ballots he’s in testimonials and they make it kind of snowballs from then and some people that it’s it’s really quick for them to make that transition from %HESITATION at amity speakers in professional and some it takes a lot longer and everyone has their own Paul and I think it’s always you’ll speaking topics that you’re interested in and you’ll inspiring makes facing other people eight eight eight that’s that’s what a lot of speakers a minute full said whether you’re being paid on all your on the journey on the roads and and it supports just keep going absolutely %HESITATION that’s fantastic and how was that M. how was that experience for for you was it hard to eat M. two M. get started as a of a a a professional speaker or was it kind of an easy transition for you thank got it yes it was it was easy it was it’s it’s never easy easy easy think again some people just landed in a landslide flee in the right place and I started out by running a and an instant on Instagram with a a meetup group so I remember that that Miami I had a coach at the time unlike K. each C. as in my case the committee would be speaker sounds even crying to him he said well you don’t speak to them what do you wanna speak about so that I can seems already license that okay well I can we can we can do something here so he may be getting that book and my diary my calendar and he said well you could start a meetup group and then you can actually take control of it but it’s the being the person that creates the right environment speaking so I started this meetup group I decided I’d have it a series of meetings once a month and I think as soon as he starts to create something you instantly seen as a lead that anyway so that gave me a little bit of propulsion and in in some people’s eyes at least because I was this person that was running the session and then I was able to give other people speaking opportunities stream through my platform and then from value I read my book and my Facebook has to be the first public speaking and then having a book a game gave me a little bit of extra kudos if you like and then that got me some and speaking opportunities at at places like Moree class and and I I did some basic pieces around that daily it’s it’s only journey I mean every everything you do kind of helps he gets the next step and then yeah okay so now they’ve got said that you guys then you do something else to get you to the next step so I it definitely on my journey still progressing there’s things in there things I’d like to change with my speaking and %HESITATION I’m I’m grateful that I am a professional speaker now and then I’ve I’ve got to speak internationally and and at some big events and I’m looking forward to more of the same really I’m testing again I’m really glad you %HESITATION brought up your book said like to go on TV and that now so what was it that inspired you to write your book and what does it mean to speak like a diva what inspired me to write my book is funny with that same coach I remember we were talking and not during another session I lost a lot of quick let’s write a business book any school the Facebook you should try it should be you should have your story in it and I thought well how could I have my story but will say make it something that’s relevant to other people so they want to do some sort of vanity project that was all about makes it just not my style so I thought well if I have something about my transition from being a professional singer to speaker best value then for people because I was often meeting people he said to me well what do you do and I found this on the Sena and that the up wow your singer but then that survival against collaborate the light didn’t carry over to two public speaking because a lot of people are afraid of speaking and I was thinking what they’re actually quite similar if I could somehow show people how much fun it is to be a speaker and how it’s quite similar to the the joy in the fun of being an entertainer then maybe I could entice more people to eat to get excited about public speaking so that’s why I decided to write my book has to be delivered public speaking and diva misty scribes me as a professional singer and I’m a a diva type person but just the veins in it for its professional and singer and then it also became a frame work so I sort of reverse engineered this the frequent the I. VA and D. stance of being a dynamic speakers having a bit of life and %HESITATION it just means that you have to jump up and down in the crazy on stage but there are different ways to be dynamic same pot use you’ll someone he likes to use interesting language popular Sunday he lies to interact with the audience that’s my preference I I I do a lot of interaction is definitely speed Anneke and I is for inspiring and eyes about storytelling and inspiring your audience through three stories of what happens what happens V. is being valuable and that’s really about having a good structure and it’ll say strong content that people can can use and take away and and filled it can actually change their lives and then a finance for being authentic and I think it’s it’s super important to being yourself because there’s just a certain strength that comes from just accepting who you all this and say yes maybe I still need to improve this things I need to work on I’m a work in progress but just also accepting that the species who am I speaking my valleys this is what I stand for as low as like once you are comfortable with that you can just exhale hi and then I can be in front of any audience so anyone could be in front of any audience because they’re not trying to be someone and all they just comfortable and natural as they all so that was the diva frame black and the and I still use it down when I’m doing public speaking training because it’s about people say it women have comes one of my sessions I don’t share that with my husband and he gave trump and it took these legal colleagues and use the framework any he thought it was really helpful so happy all fools of people use that frame I can and and have found that it it helped them T. become more confident speakers so I didn’t drop it yeah I know it’s a it’s a fantastic %HESITATION framework it’s really really great %HESITATION and really inspiring as well I’m and I want to ask you like or what do you think are some of the most common %HESITATION %HESITATION %HESITATION mistakes that at dot dot you see people make in their in their speeches or when they’re performing on stage and what it intends to speaking I think one mistake people make is is to Knox and this is remote the cops people who say speaking at five six minutes S. survivors devil at and just sort of leading to speak ladies what presentations but requesting an office a big one because people often spend ages and ages unless lights on that deck whatever it might be but then they don’t run through the actual presentation two lines and what that tends to mean is they often get the timing wrong old they’ll have set languages they’ve included in a presentation that they trip over every time because didn’t the written they’ve written the presentation before they’ve spoken it and quite often written the written getting a message across in the written word is very different than getting it across in spoken words and you got to remember that as a speaker quite often the average instead have nice to follow along with that that would have called and that is really to hear what we’re saying so if we use language that is you know too many syllables long words complicated jargon filled the audience call keep up with us because they’re busy pondering what we said one minute ago and we’ve already moved along so it’s super important scene writes at presentations created presentation using the sort of language that statement to be spoken which typically means quite simply language that piece a people can grasp the concept because it may not be simple but if you can explain in simple language and people can can stay with you so I think that’s one of my big and not bunk beds but just one take the I. Taft people regarding creating presentations and speeches yeah that’s so true that’s brilliant I really really like that tape and %HESITATION %HESITATION it when I see them about your book as well how was the %HESITATION the the process off of writing it did you find that challenging was it hard to do does that come quite easy to you he was writing the book it wasn’t too bad actually I just got a book by forget me now and I can give it to the nights it was it’s it’s quite a few books out there about writing books I I had two or three and read those first but what I did is I created a mind map of all the things I tend to could put in this book and it was a sort of big might not realize different colors I created that and then from there I was able to break it down it’s taxes and then make the captaincy sections of each chapter and the eight at sea once I’ve done that it made the book pricing quite straightforward because every day was just a case of filling out a certain part of this nine month with with detail and then of course as a horrible bit at the end we’ve written this kind of light of golf agent you’ve got six six weeks and kind of make it into something that someone would want to read but I think it what they call it a click the sort of messy fast draw the first off the important one because you just got to get the stuff out there and then it’s at G. often easier to edit them to to create the thing in the first place so the book yeah I mean it a couple most incense it kind of been that bad I wouldn’t listen right animal I think is it just you just want to be a lesser value joy that right saying that I enjoy the result I guess yeah yeah for sure that’s great and %HESITATION I want to move on now to your tentec speech now to speak on the taxpayer speech aside to speak on the ten X. stages I’d say probably a dream for M. most people %HESITATION if you want to be a professional speakers so can you tell me a bit about how that experience it was for you like how did you get on the stage like ha ha like how was it to the %HESITATION how like how long do you need to prepare for a Ted X. talk yeah it was it was interesting because it is something I guess I wanted to do today but it wasn’t that burning ambition but then a coach I’d worked with its head that as its head exactly to expect him was looking for speeches so it’s pretty with days to spare I put in an application and they came back and said yes you know we’d like to come and speak seven eight eight it was an interesting process because I E. like when speaking to groups I really like to be interactive so I’d like to get people to put their hands up and lets us questions and have them feedback and the text text format with excellent is very different in that it’s very much you know you just do you tool start to finish and also within the framework of of old structure of it it’s heads the textile and some of the elements I was used to is being intense monster I was told not to include say for example you have and what we call a road map for you start your tool can you say well this is what we’re looking at today step one two three I was told that include a road map that you just don’t have robots in intact X. tools so I think I think the pressure of thinking all gosh this is like headaches and then it being a little bit different than what I encountered before and we’ll say different and when I look the way I like to speak made it and not the most enjoyable process for me because I was being kept changing the tool even the morning of the tool itself you know because they they say if you have it ready you know a good month for thankful had seek just relax and memorize it and give it really well on the day I remember that on the day until I I was a white cotton style contagious phase like changed to park all see that is just on the morning of the talks of calls that led me to being very very unstable very insecure when I delivered it and then what happens was and you wear headsets visit sites that we can face I’m not I was just gonna say like you that you cannot tell at all like you are on stage looks so confident like you knew exactly what you’re doing you look so great so those are two here that’s really really really surprising for me that’s what he yeah I didn’t feel that way and and then also had near earrings in Athens they said %HESITATION if he if you wanna airings what did Waring’s because they were not against it the head set as it cools I I I in the rehearsal they didn’t knock against headsets until I can get away with the in the actual tool then they put the hassle differently in the tool so my through my earring was banging against the headset and because there is a silent room and you hear this well I think could do so I was completely put off by either the sounds haven’t memorized by to populate was horrible and %HESITATION when I got the old yet back in that the recording back IT discovered that do you it may sound ready thank you you couldn’t miss it in in the presentation and they put up online by this time I was just so embarrassing even watch it live inside a spank them to please please if I find a sound technician can we take it down I’ll get them to suit the sounds out then we can put it back up so they kindly said yes so if you look at my textile grabbing go as many views as a lot of people because I kind of missed out a few months worth of of like some things on the new team but at least we finally got a version out that is he’s got clean or the exact yeah quite quite a story behind with my school stressed even thinking about it Michael is with us like honestly you cannot tell you look like you so great on that stage so confident powerful I was like wow this is amazing so yeah yeah yeah it just goes to show you have no idea what’s going on behind the scenes so yeah I’m tell me a bit about the how did you choose your topic and why was it important to you well the thing off that particular Ted X. event was a seat at the table and I thought long and hard about what to pick I would put forwards and I thought well the seats at the sort of corporate table was important especially the background I had C. M. with with Mike these jobs where I haven’t performed very well and and thinking about how to make it easier for people who are minorities will he doesn’t typically get aways in you know when important decisions are being made so how what what’s what’s the story behind that why does that happen and I wanted to share my own experience in the wet place says not so how I came from this topic of empathy Randy and and how important it is to have empathy for people who are different than you and %HESITATION and and yeah that’s that that’s sort of where it came from and I wanted to talk about something that was related to the work place mainly because of the experiences that I’ve had that drive me away from it and and then I thought will pass with this topic it would be a good way to kind of come back and and have something that was relevant to to what places yeah and it’s so true and I think things that you are a spoke about %HESITATION during that talk as well like how companies actually perform so much better when you do you have a a a supportive team people that I think it was you used to use the the the example of when you have a supervisor who actually cares about you or that you feel that they care about you like the team just works so much better and that’s it so true like I’ve seen it in in in in my own experiences at work where you have someone who doesn’t care the whole like there’s no team work like then that people don’t care about the job that that at that they’re doing and then the whole thing just doesn’t work well and it’s so true and so how would you say like how can we start to cultivate more empathy in the workplace yes I am it’s the first thing is that people have to learn to be better listeners because I think all too often people have their own agenda in a conversation and it’s about what can they get a crawl spaces listening to understand where the other person’s coming from and and being a sounding board Ole just making sure that you haven’t listened to set a very sort of superficial level but keeping keeping on all skin and questions old giving them opportunities to share more animal because quite often it’s when you have days when you give people as of chances to share and you said that you’re really the activists and that’s where the real gold comes out and then you used you have this conversation but you can redeem bonds because they reveal something about themselves that it either is the vulnerability that bonds you together or they say something that perhaps you wouldn’t have known about them and it’s something you have in common with them but it’s a lot of empathy is about having that did the curiosity and the ability to listen properly to somebody because it’s really hard to put yourself in somebody’s shoes or to understand how they feeling if you haven’t listened defective me that when I run sessions of empathy we typically spend it’s good to be a third of the time looking at listening skills and talking about empathic listing where you’re listening not necessary to debate soul to challenge them all to all do with what they said tool to disagree but you just listening to understand and you try to encourage them to to stay at normal resident right %HESITATION that’s enough now let me tell you my side of things so that’s I think the foundation for me of all of them if they it’s just this ability to listen with with no agenda may need incentives for them to to share and to understand absolutely that’s so true and so what %HESITATION would you like to see more I’m off that block of people having actual training M. sessions on how to be a empathetic %HESITATION listener nine people incorporate that as part of their like work training yes definitely it’s and it’s interesting because with all that’s happened in the last six months black lives matter and what we’ve been seeing in the state Senate around it’s been a much bigger fish or divest inclusion in the workplace and with that the empathy peace it is sometimes it’s included sometimes it’s not what I’m finding is that people are coming to me now and it’s saying well we’ve already got the defense team inclusion pacing Facebook with finding that we missing the empathy can you do a workshop trestle tool cool something to for people to get that sort of foundation of listening in place so that all these other initiatives are more successful said %HESITATION and so yeah I think they missed it I think what places are changing I think in eight it’s to some extent because impacted because if we look at millennials they want to work in empathetic what places and we’re moving to a situation where millennials will will make up the bulk of the what place said %HESITATION to to recruit and keep the people from that particular group I think employees of hot to be a little bit more and more more receptive old concepts and skills like empathy and divest he and and and have them be more of a foundation in the way that they run their business yeah I couldn’t I couldn’t agree more and it’s so true because a you know as as if you said %HESITATION before as well to be a successful now as a company you need to have a good strong teams that are that were there was trust where there’s corporation where there is %HESITATION supports were people feel heard and seen and %HESITATION and and and included so yeah I hope that’s really the way will be going I’m going forward with things when it comes to work and not just work life in general as well everywhere M. so yes I wanna ask you it’s the time is almost coming to an end now %HESITATION what what is %HESITATION what are your future plans now what what kind of projects are you working on currently or like a for the near future all thanks for asking well is this a few things I’m working on right now one is a second book is is coming out soon which are conveniently have here at my right hand really is and so this is this was coming out as I’m not sure when this will go live you’ll you’ll recording sees Anna but seven this book will be released on the eleventh and tenth of November that it’s one I’m quite excited about the Facebook I self published but then I was approached by a publisher in the states to write a second book thank you and it’s it’s some communication done more general day to day communications and it’s on it’s it’s kind of scenario based service %HESITATION scenarios as full so having deep conversation scenarios full kind of chit chat and small tools and insights to make conversation and and and and and other ones as well so I’ve got that book coming out quite soon and then we’ve cultivated everything being online I’ve been able to see a do not more international except probably got more American clients now than I have in the U. K. says I really want to extend that and keep growing that and while we are working remote it will while many of us are working remotely the team big areas that I’m on I’m sort of looking at it from there in the next two to three to six months for any operation and then keep expanding my business is it an empathy speaker from toxic gas and congratulations on your new book I really am I’m looking forward to %HESITATION reading it I’m sure it’s going to be fantastic okay and %HESITATION just to round up then %HESITATION I’d there’s like two questions and I ask each person and the first one is what are the key practices that help have helped you to overcome challenges and attain a detain success like what are the things that you’ve had to keep doing that consistently who I would like to say a meditation but I I try it and I’ll have the best of doing it for a while and then I’ll stop and start again stop start again my mind was racing so I’d love to kind of get that motels but the main one one of them I think is always learning always wanting to learn something new whether it’s an online tools for the race taking a call somewhere whether it’s reading a book and I think this idea that you are compared to students is is quite humbling because there’s always something new to learn and I think it’s eight yeah it just inspires me if I if I still haven’t learned something new in that a few weeks %HESITATION even you know and we close I will not have had time out to do some reading I feel like there’s something missing in me and that that that that it doesn’t get any sort of wait till they said so I think just just we say lucky to have so much information and books and and access to say lunch says say for me it’s it’s that I would say that just keeps me keeps me humble keep me sane keep growing it’s so true yeah I really really love the bike yeah you need to we need to keep keep of having new experiences learning new things M. keeps our brains working as well our minds expanding so it’s obviously fantastic and at the last question M. what do you value most and how do you put it into practice %HESITATION interest thank what do I value most I would say that I value it kind of ties back in with what I was just saying Rainey said the opportunities to learn and grow as a thing and to be a different pass and I was a month ago so six months ago before then I think with that incomes health because I think if you don’t have your health life can be very very different and you know we saying that now we know sadly with with because of its and then people give him over his fill in for coverage but they just finding that they’ve put these lingering complaints and you know that things aren’t the way they were before they contracted the disease J. E. I think it is time to be really grateful for for having our health and then seeing that as a springboard full success in other areas of life is very halls if you don’t have that too and you know to fill freighted to accomplish the goals for sure and how do you actis good health I am a vegan by things that you have to be vegan to be healthy of the I. I’m vegan I I like to exercise as much as I can so I tend to you know roll out the map on the bedroom floor and do some exercise bad my stays the week I play tennis and and drink will set the quote that I’m quite boring because the ladies of being isn’t a professional singer was released in the call driving faces a good out of habit drinking alcohol so %HESITATION %HESITATION I’m very raging Khalkhal some kind of yeah I’m the boring in a way that I live I guess in what for me yeah it’s not it’s an art I also don’t drink is also a it’s it’s not boring at all I don’t think so that’s fantastic thank you so much and if people want to find out more and more at about you where is the best place to find your how can they reach out to you I’m only ten so you can find me at seven A. K. E. I’m also on Instagram as speak up like a diva who is putting said okay you’ll find me at my website is showing the K. K. Y. E. dot com so please please say hi say that you had me and I’d love to connect Funtastic thank you so much all of this this this has been great and %HESITATION thank you much thank you so much for the you for listening I’m if you think that show less journey could inspire someone please share it with a friend and if you want to stay up to date with the with all the latest episodes please subscribe on YouTube or %HESITATION anywhere you like to you anywhere you like to listen to podcasts on thank you very much thanks a lot it is and there is a real pleasure thank you thank you