#005 Stuttering And Mental Health with Brian Skelton Transcript

Please note the following transcript will contain errors as it is automated and is not always accurate but you will get the gist!

hi I’m Suzana Kalcic and you’re listening to life in practice podcast I’m curious about the big questions in life and how we can experience more meaning and fulfillment every day join me as my guests share their challenges successes and what it means to put our purpose our bodies and our lives in practice hello and welcome to life and practice podcast this is your host Susanna %HESITATION today my guest is Brian Skelton of Brian has had a starter since he was a child and now he is a distinguished toastmaster he also mentors and supports others at his daughter as well welcome Greg Bryan so great to have you on here %HESITATION %HESITATION Brian and I actually met through Toastmasters %HESITATION king speakers to be more precise %HESITATION which is a specialist club %HESITATION for people who stutter or have social anxiety so Brian how did you end up in in king speakers thank you very much to send the PO inviting me it’s very nice king speakers I first went along when I was in buy cheap when the club was starting in two thousand and twelve I was invited along to consult I was already in Toastmasters so I had to be a bomb not a joke because my sister and I was asked to help out at the club to start with by doing a few speeches in is helping out generally but then I I joined I hate a lot the club so much that I chose yeah and you’re still there just like me yes %HESITATION what %HESITATION it wasn’t it wasn’t always like this though and there was a time when you were probably going to something like Toastmasters would have been a worst nightmare for you %HESITATION so %HESITATION tell me a bit Brian what was it like growing up and %HESITATION because you said %HESITATION how old were you when your starter started can you take us back a bit it’s about time yes money let’s start twelve believe it started when I was seven years old because my parents my mother passed away when I was five in the home and my father had a heart attack when night I was about seven and I believe that’s when my stomach started it was the okay affected my A. elder brother in two older sisters as well bear with me here because I was the youngest in the palm I I am the youngest in the family I think it affected me that way yeah that that can happen with some people some they say from traumatic events yeah yeah I can because I’m not certainly is such a traumatic thing to happen to a young child and I did you start stuttering straight away or did it kind of happened a bit afterwards but what was going on then I’m I’m to be honest I’m not really sure another my sister told me that Tom I did start to use them around but at that time and %HESITATION I think come yeah actually impacted me in that way how do you and then when I was I I went into %HESITATION Dr Menon does which is a a children’s home N. it was some I’m sorry here lighten up when in a town with my proper as well when but both of us he’s an two years older than me so we both went in at that time and my two older sisters were deemed to be old enough to stay in the house my uncle looked up to them and because that day was so sixteen times whether you’re going to school one so what was that like %HESITATION growing up %HESITATION because they had so many things to cope without the same time like being in a children’s home obviously grieving the loss of your parents and then having this starter as well that you had to figure out how to cope with that it just seems like so much for a young child to be dealing with how how on earth did you did you manage them yeah it was a lot of time Marcon room well I can remember what that was and something I can clearly remember and it still will to this day is that when I first went into the home I wet the bed which was when you think about it it’s not surprising October things have gone on in such a short time and some of the children would go around singing pop up of Bryant’s wet the wet the bait and that still on I think that was the star of being so up up picked up I’m not really felt that that even that I H. a lot come with people speaking to me because of my stomach wow that’s a really tough an environment to be in but a you hide your brother there did was he’s was he supporting you through that or did you feel like you had to %HESITATION handle that situation by yourself I am yeah I did put me up to up to up to a point I think but Tom because he was that much older he wasn’t there that long because he was working so he was some up in caves seven maybe for a couple years and then he left and I think it was up at that point I really found it to a halt because of without him them based on my own I’ll see hi contact with my two sisters yeah but it’s not the same because they’re they’re not there with you are they know the structural consultant always remembers well by these older sister she told me that she used to make me sing if by if I got stuck on saying something and as you might I well ages as you will know if you sing if you stomach then you can sing and you don’t stem cell yeah it is already I think stuttering such a strange condition it just doesn’t really make any sense sometimes %HESITATION how it works and why it why you why you still sort of certain points and why you don’t and I think another one as well is when we’re alone we don’t starters are very often so Brian then how did you find the strength %HESITATION to cope with the situation where did you find that your stocks are made it difficult for you to make friends with other people because I imagine %HESITATION all of the children that were or in a very similar situation that you find yourself in did you find out through that experience you’re able to bond with them a bit better because you you had shared experiences or M. yes yeah you could do that yeah there was I had a couple closer friends than a member at the home and we sold one nine by a crew member David he was %HESITATION a bit some bigger trees right because yeah he used to get a lot of %HESITATION people taking the knee capping because size and people taking the Mick out me because my stomach remember we used to walk to school I may take the Mickey out of each other topping so help to know why yeah I think I think having someone that you can also he he understands what you’re going through it but also that you can have a laugh with as well because sometimes it will have our troubles but sometimes a good sense of humor can really help you cope to get through those times yeah yeah I think so yeah does this is it’s helped me a lot and geography I would send it to so then what was school like M. yeah when I see eleven I went to an all boys school secondary school and %HESITATION yeah I found that some really hard when I first went there because I was still at the home at that time and we used to %HESITATION where the people in the home we had these some %HESITATION shoot overhead to sign so shoes and socks and so they have a boys the governance I know he’s from the home he’s because there’s a few of us there from doctors lawyers at that time that went to the same school so that governments and %HESITATION he’s from the home he’s in that thing so I had nine I used to get into a lot of fights because you have a boys know how to one map about my stomach N. notebook dot Oct five total but I used to get into these fights and is some of the teachers would say not you again Skelton yeah it it become a bit of a joke but wasn’t really that funny to be honest but it did them adult do I do remember that yeah that’s must have been really tough because yeah I’m just like trying to put myself in your shoes %HESITATION and I’m just trying to imagine like how difficult it must have been for years and how on earth do you do you find some like confidence in yourself and build up your self esteem and there seems to be so many things going against you yelping I’m thinking that I did dumb during that time I think %HESITATION I mush that was my source come out but it keeps saying help me but it was some I think that so bring it down just didn’t let me come out of my shell a little bit because it I had to five months so pulled up with these things and there was a lot of a lot of swelling going on that was that yeah yeah considerable thing you’ll know yourself that if you swear you don’t stomach or you shall yeah yeah that’s really interesting yeah when you feel ready angry the stomach doesn’t doesn’t come out as much doesn’t bother COS it was not it’s not a way to be going about the world this is the fighting shouting and swearing yeah yeah people might might get an idea yeah exactly so an M. did anybody at the home or at the school trying to help you with your speech or with your situation like did they suggest any speech therapy or did they try to help you in anyway not really to be honest because I think it was at that time there wasn’t so much known about term stamina and it wasn’t the help about that there is nowadays because some talk in the early sixties some time ago yeah but still I mean %HESITATION a condition like start trains being around since time began all those instruments were speaking so yeah it is a bit unfortunate that %HESITATION people still don’t even know exactly what the cause of it is and how to how to improve it %HESITATION but I remember you telling me something %HESITATION one of that carers at your home we do it whenever you expressed %HESITATION how you felt about your stomach yes it is when I was on he eleven it was and she asked me what I wanted for my birthday and I just remember saying to her because we had to be called a mountain of coal and amend the sign on G. password with our names on them and assigned to her only speak about the other children an accountant member exactly what she said but she said something along the whole yet I’ll see what I can do to help your son I mean I really don’t know what happened a member of St as well last name should you so anything else you want us to jail like to see the film mom Mary Poppins no not Mary Poppins was M. one %HESITATION the commander nine number is it was the same actress the sound of music at the sound of music yeah yeah members sign I want to come see see that film yeah yeah I suppose it’s much easier to write you the ways of going to see the film rather than helping you with your starter yes yeah %HESITATION yeah that later I’ll be like you tried to help me on my thank you Sobhan US lower down looking front that will say that again so being but they were they were supportive and they were patient with you %HESITATION yeah yeah okay hold on a two member that a pup from subsidy of the children the actual taking the Mickey yeah but but but that’s what happens nowadays children a lot yeah I probably to really get a lot of people as well yeah yeah that’s true %HESITATION but what about your teachers and school like did it did it have an effect on your education and not taking part in classes yes it did it did it did happen with data quite a lot actually October %HESITATION remember when we had to read out in class the three or read a book and %HESITATION I was almost afraid I’m not coming back some of the other boys sitting behind me that they would be raging well I was supposed to be reading and don’t really know if that helps me to be honest because I could hear their voices and I was just trying to get through them what it was a special rate yeah I I can completely relate to that one that was I remember even night queuing up outside the classroom to go into English class I always felt so sick and I just thought oh my gosh what I have to read out well I have to do this just member fitting really really no nervous and especially when news %HESITATION when you not read around in a circle you can you’re just counting down okay is going to be my turn when is going to be my turn which bit of my going to have to read and all my gosh yeah I don’t I don’t miss that at all and I just wasn’t paying attention to anything that was going on because you’re just so worried about would you be able to say all the words that you need to say and as you know is what you said being being a scroll with children %HESITATION here aren’t as understanding and he wanted to take the pass on all up %HESITATION yeah because I remember what one of my things is one of the kids used to say it was like %HESITATION %HESITATION you can’t like you cannot read because you’re stupid because you’re from a different country you said that before yeah and it’s %HESITATION and I think it it’s a it’s an important point to make is like I didn’t actually fight back I didn’t really say anything to the almost I would have rather accepted that and say well actually no I’m not I’m not stupid at all I just I just have a starter but the the depths of shame there is another way that you want to hide it all the time so that’s yeah when I look back on it now I think gosh you know I should if I should have I should have told them off but %HESITATION it just goes to show how powerful the shame of stuttering is and what about yourself and did did you try to hide it from other people I’m a Jetta GL I wish dot org well I was told like to his tricks are you yeah I’m avoiding words and find different words I was found out got very good at doing that a Christian and as I got older a committee member people looking at me thinking well well well what is she talking about without save maybe for pipe was just to get one word out and our commander that quite clearly going around and when the but you don’t know yourself if you use them %HESITATION you sign your own name is one the hottest wings from someone that stems and I commend up quite a few years ago I am I think I know it is a good one because years ago someone asked me my name and I said I was a joke which because of its size the easier than saying Brian Tellis said mount well managed to I remember there was a friend there as well in the first right yeah which was easier to say at the time so yours probably Frederick yeah and %HESITATION he’s from there just a few years later so I could hear someone check out Fred Fred she talking then I realized he was calling me so I I %HESITATION I’d well I went back to him and we ended up in the pub I have a few drinks and up and I explained to him but the stamina we had a bit but a lot of that is what the phone yeah I know it’s quite a funny situation to %HESITATION to to find yourself in but yeah I can I can completely understand when that fear and panic %HESITATION sets in but then it’s also special he think oh I’m never going to see this person again you would expect is going to be shouted down the road after you yeah now yeah when I think about it now it was quite funny even now Fred looking to control %HESITATION this on well mentioning I’m if you use them often you need to have a sense of humor that really helps yeah yeah it mentioned earlier it definitely does but %HESITATION I guess when you’re going through the the pain is very difficult to find humor in it okay yeah especially when you feel really alone and your situation and %HESITATION from what I remember you saying before you didn’t know anybody that had a starter when you were growing up no no restaurant when I was at some school I didn’t know any anybody I felt like I was the only one there and the thing about %HESITATION CSE not being able to say my name I remember a few years later when I went on the east coast read a speech right because one of them fifty fifty one time that was and %HESITATION I remember thinking that I was the only one that didn’t know my name but then I realized when I was on the coast that the FX %HESITATION manage paperless stamina everyone but most people stomach have difficult Sinema nine so at that time apart it was just me I didn’t realize it was everybody else as well yeah it is it’s it’s a lot of us %HESITATION but what made you decide to go to starfish at the age of fifty one I’m it was a man Troy might dumbing up to be on the shock that we keep changing words and well I’ve always tried to cope punk final I I really was getting fed up and I just wanted to %HESITATION trying another what what what was going on something else I have a side swapping word sin not same well I want to say did that make it difficult at work I am a data entry here yeah and another thing is you know if you go out I’ll just go up to maybe a restaurant with friends and I wouldn’t be able to hold while I wanted on sale yes I’ll have that aren’t the same as you or if I was having enough public some friends I wouldn’t order the upside to someone now he’ll give you the money you you %HESITATION you give you a might be older now just gonna go to the toilet which I wasn’t really but she would just say that just so that they could go over to the drinks yeah those %HESITATION yeah if we avoid all those small things went up avoiding the bigger thing %HESITATION and then I saw your life goes past and you’ve avoided so much and do not really being true to yourself the strokes from Osama member that time daily Gareth gates was on the apple pie do and %HESITATION a committee member watching that on the Saturday %HESITATION for quite a few weeks another member thinking to myself if he can do that in front of millions of people knowing that they sold these people watching on the telly in that time I did something that must I’m sorry seen him any come second I think in the in that term in that context yeah I think it did yeah yeah I remember watching the %HESITATION as well when I was younger so you must be William yeah I was quite young but yeah it was still %HESITATION because for me at that time I you know it was impossible because I was really I still feel very very ashamed and something that I would hide I was more like oh my god that’s that’s so embarrassing you know like I felt really embarrassed but %HESITATION yeah it took a while to to work through that %HESITATION but yeah it’s a fantastic thing that he did and he went on to go to the McGuire programme destroyed which is very similar to what you did %HESITATION starfish yes yes this is the same thing the teacher a breathing technique can that’s what really helps as well use that technique to run slow down which is well I’m always being told to do yeah so what did you so %HESITATION what else did you learn at starfish apart from %HESITATION breathing and is that what you call the right block modification tools a yes %HESITATION blocked what relation of correlations and %HESITATION also on thing the thing that helped me more modest was some talking about my stomach because I would never ever talk about it to family friends or anyone and I is that I’m you mention about been ashamed and another when I was younger my AC Schnitzer or use I will talk about your stamina and I’ll try not not leave me alone it’s my stomach I don’t talk about it another member sign I thought that and I think that that has helped me as well and now talking about it really helps Hey if probate strange at first thinking no one took a stand on them they it does as helped a lot so what what what what was that like then %HESITATION when you were in starfish I knew your around other people and he understood what you were going through and you actually have that space that you were able to talk about what was going on for you and how you’re feeling yelping a state but that’s a right now I’m talking to other people because say being in Leon same same shoes at all signed by so that that that I knew what I was talking about so that that really help talking to someone that’s been there before the dominant I’m not a member on the first morning of the close of the free day close was coming up for lunch time and we was doing these some alphabet you we hadn’t started off with by subway the same words apple and then he went through the alphabet and the lady opposite me that was helping me she said gosh you just don’t know but I’m not should be oh okay I don’t really believe it I don’t know you have gone through the alphabet light that and I couldn’t because it was close %HESITATION lunch time I’m one memo went up to my room and I just cried my eyes out really I just lay on the bed crying from maybe twenty to twenty thirty minutes yeah do you remember that I am was that were you crying %HESITATION was it like kind of joy because that you were able to actually %HESITATION say all those words or is it just finally being able to share this part of yourself with other people who understand yeah I think it was that more than anything sharing it with other people the other people on the street what time what was being shown and %HESITATION I need I I could clearly see that these are the paper was well they was going through the same sort of thing is me an emotional the two of us crying Hey is it is very emotional especially when you haven’t had %HESITATION anybody throughout your life you really he really understands what you’re going through it means so much and I think is so important for you to open up yeah about this is walks I’m sure a lot of men in particular S. are kind of taught the old man don’t cry or you should show your emotions what is so important I think especially when it comes to your speech as well yeah yeah that’s true cause unknown like you said a lot of people say that women don’t cry but I’m in the lady on the call she said %HESITATION grown men all J. I. I will man cries but refused to say nothing that’s true you know you you show your motion absolutely I mean it’s it’s it’s human what is it that we’re not we’re not %HESITATION robot C. you know we have feelings and emotions yeah that’s true or not I’m very %HESITATION motion across city fishing for this program on the telly on us stop cross okay all right I pushing up it’s a bad thing on a on a paper towel yet you know grow up both show your man or something but you know what I push you don’t fing at that’s not there’s anything wrong with that yeah absolutely not at all and %HESITATION if anything is axis is healthy to to to show your emotions when you keep all that stuff in you know it might come out in a way that you don’t want to or don’t expect to and you know that’s that’s not good at all so let’s just concise well beyond the criticism out stuff bill up in inside your head that Tom yeah when you finally get it out it it’s a big release because you got left correct in your head to hold that over these years all the stuff you could finally talk about things that you would never ever talk about before so today I think sometimes all that held %HESITATION emotion can actually make speaking more difficult because you feel the tension in your body and in your voice and did you find that your speech improved after you were able to be more open about it yeah a dyslexia I did that but I find it really helped a lot being able to %HESITATION talk about different things I would never talk about it before because there was a lot of stuff up here that the US never talked about twenty one St I being able to talk to someone really helps because there was a lot of %HESITATION things I know we spoke before about different things now hind M. so did your speech actually improved did you feel that you started less I’m yelping production here noted Dr less such too close nowadays people say to me %HESITATION Brian you don’t stomach why do you still go to that that starship starship yeah yeah yeah and I said because I I II it because it’s helping me five star another actor help other people as well let the empathy in that sort of thing wow and then so what did your %HESITATION what was your life like then %HESITATION after you’ve done that program so were you more confident at work where you’re kind of going out of your comfort zone more what what did that lead to them yes I did yep found but let data help a lot and %HESITATION I was some I E. I well I trying to be a chef when I first left school and %HESITATION I got my redundant from that job and not one ended up being the working in security %HESITATION it’s in a private security company we are what hello and %HESITATION remember what one particular incident probably what you’re at least now in its actually ask about his %HESITATION and a starfish you heard about Toastmasters for the first time yeah that’s right yeah yeah yeah hi gosh but yeah please you know share whatever am yeah whatever’s on your mind yeah when I was nine when I was at work I took that charge losses but they some incident because I know the thanks a lot people not your stomach but this particular thing I’m going to talk about as of thanks a lot people and I’m I wish they doing doing the job I was doing we had to %HESITATION with some at the to reset chin desk and our son for a policyholder coming and %HESITATION these pasta got lost and not like I got the blame for the my boss said don’t you lost the pulse of buying you cook you have to find the advocacy company could lose the contract and it be awful and under it wasn’t me that lost it but Tom not really he this went on for maybe four or five weeks it really affected me a lot with my speech and some of the other people I was working with the same old love but but but Brian hill we can lose our jobs because we you and I was really so taking the taking the Mickey and %HESITATION my I just felt really really loud really love at that time in my all could hardly put two words together I wouldn’t someone else said to me the other day I spoke to her at the time he said well why wasn’t you just go see it I said no not to I don’t want to I give up people the chance to to but I’m to take you out to %HESITATION put me down anymore I need to be at work you know just to show them and as site just got too much for me I’m on %HESITATION Dios but based on nights so used to shift work an inch dead of getting ready for work Hodges women the pub lunch time and I had quite a few drinks and they saw the smoke coming to my head it’s always been a problem not just drinking alone not really felt alone at that time and I’ve just started to drink no member of thinking to myself yeah this up I did not put a sump pump take a cinema gonna commit suicide and the member of what went back to the flat N. aka E. arm went up to the check in the flat on the ground rod pile and I so but I made a new setup it and I’m a table in the chair but before that I went to the E. M. I went to the front of the Plettenberg another left on the table and then I left the door slightly open shut didn’t want anyone to have to break the door down to find me tell us that slightly out I then went back to the arm to where the road was on the table and chair I’ll put this quote right around my neck the members cannot come on but today was gonna like J. O. Y. but then I heard this me now yeah %HESITATION it was the cat from next door like ginger use Cola ginger welcome to the jungle but she was walking about it because I use the fader every now and again so I knew what she was in full and I remember thinking at the time off a call let he must have let the cat go hungry so so I took the rug to the right of hello and now for the cat and also come in a couple of the cotton put right side and I commend of thinking about the time that that bloody cash fight my lawyer Hey now I was really tired so went back to bed well went to lie on the bed and had to sleep the phone rang and it was my boss at work rung up must be well was why was I not work not tell him that I was really so ill one sick and didn’t feel too too because I need to sing to them except that but that’s why we didn’t go to work he then mentioned that that password being found after the someone is locked in a cupboard tell I’ll double my under wasn’t my fault that that possible lost and %HESITATION I went back to work off that brings seem to get a little bit better but I’m still reach the where the memories of that stuff that went on but you know it was really did the F. back to me at that time wow that’s us so powerful Brian and yeah it just god forbid if not cut didn’t come in or not what what what you would have done or when you’re in that state of mind yeah this one is because I I just don’t know if I would have done the opposite but yeah well see in when you’re in that state of mind you so you don’t know what what what what you’re gonna do it this time absolutely I’m and thank you for for sharing this I know must been it’s a very difficult and emotional thing to %HESITATION to talk about and yeah because depression affects a lot of us %HESITATION and it’s so important to know that that we’re not alone because I assume that that that you’ve mentioned about the few she thought very alone yes I think one of the contributors to the %HESITATION why you felt that that you needed to go to extremes yes yelled another I’ve spoken to other people stamina told me the same thing that they’ve had folks about doing not I don’t know who I spoke to a lady but while the government she told me her story which was so similar to mine so I know who does affect people hello notice people this time about hello yeah absolutely and I think it talking about it is so important because people will realize it’s not just them and %HESITATION but what really %HESITATION strikes me through what you were saying it was it action two points is like how you %HESITATION how you always think about other people %HESITATION and when you said about how you left the door slightly open so that people wouldn’t have to have the inconvenience of having to break through the door and then when you saw the cut you so okay you know he’s gonna take care of the cot so you’re always thinking about other people yes something that really comes %HESITATION very strongly %HESITATION from who you are as a person and I think would you say that’s one of your your strengths and something that helps you to to keep going and have confidence in yourself yeah I think so yeah yeah yeah thank you Sir a good point it does help hoping Chris on a lot to you the help of people like to come to join Toastmasters and done going to king speakers alike to %HESITATION help public people because I can see how much it helps them been a Toastmasters and %HESITATION I am something that helped me last year I did them a total cut what something I’d been wanting to do for a long time but I hadn’t a key had the courage to do it and someone that Toastmasters helped me to write the story and when I’m I’m in the office told him about D. the suicide thing they should %HESITATION that would be good to be able to talk about and I wasn’t sure at that time I didn’t really want to do that he so %HESITATION said yeah that that that will help you as well if you do talk about it and I’m a people something when I actually did that speech I work at so help like a lot of good feedback from that %HESITATION paperwork late ago quite a few emails of people sent me and spoke to me about someone said that it would help him in his his his girlfriend because she was having a similar experience well I’m just I’m but the fact they even gave a speech about it out work it just goes to show how far you’ve come because I’m sure that would have been %HESITATION worst case like nightmare scenario for you %HESITATION yeah because yeah because I’ve been %HESITATION tell people that I’m not gonna talk about much them years ago in order with sudden I’m standing up in front of a live audience how many people are there I’m at that spot it was over a hundred while it’s quite a few people and they actually asked me to to do it again because a lot people heard about it and I wanted to say so I did it again I had done what I call a morning slot hello nine o’clock come morning so told me I didn’t have anyone else to do anything so they helped me do the speech again so I did it again I need that I think doing it a second time so helps as well but some something clicked on it a few times touch mosses as well now and the first time are not knock a standing ovation obviously surprised about that to be honest because of him yeah grabbed on the ae kings as well remember that yeah yeah I remember %HESITATION your space is really really powerful and %HESITATION yeah let’s let’s talk a bit about Toastmasters and I am wary at Toastmasters when this incident happened was on before Toastmasters every week it was before J. and B. post office always saying so was that one of the the what was that one of the reasons why you decided to do something more about your speech or about your situation yeah yeah but yeah but but that was probably pop as well you know what I said before but swapping the budget %HESITATION put put not with a lot of stuff yeah he was one of the factors as well yeah to to do something to ban it I know you’ve done very well in Toastmasters however you %HESITATION yes so as I mentioned in my introduction you’re a distinguished toastmaster which is the highest award that any toastmaster can achieve an exact is quite rare from from what I’m aware of that not many people reach that level no no I don’t I don’t I don’t think they do actually nine help I think it’s my name on the main factors is is safe takes time is a lot of hard work I know some people can do in a shorter time but it took me nine years to to complete that and for me to do something on it that was well was a miracle it’s taking all that time because I would never ever stick up things before I joined not maybe a club or something and that just probably wasn’t true about being a people would taking the Mickey out mail often let me because so much time on another plate that combo what is I doing so it never ever stick anything so what made you decide to stick at this time I’m open to discuss I know it was helping me being a touch mouse is it really does and being able to file the project my voice which is something that helps you when you stammer sorry being in front of a not and not having the microphone to project your voice I think that helps that helps as well %HESITATION Simon one of the club’s flood I was a member of I we used to make a bubble pop we are not but I don’t know but I used to be a bubble pop and especially in the summer the windows open you could hear what the traffic going past no member someone sent to me once that they could hear everything aside because I used to project one voice about the traffic but I said I’m a people they find it difficult to hear them because I didn’t feel protective voice so that’s some parents really make me so what are small but might make me happy the under I was doing something wrong yeah absolutely exciting as people who stutter what we so often quiet our own voices %HESITATION because sometimes it’s not fair %HESITATION if I really go in loud and project and if I had a big block I’m just gonna make a fool of myself yeah yeah so it takes courage to do that and %HESITATION but yeah %HESITATION so what helped you the most and Toastmasters like what help to build your your confidence and the the well and the inspiration to to keep to keep assets I’m opening words I think it was because some well it’s probably doing it myself about helping other people as well %HESITATION because one of the projects you need to do is to be IBM I area %HESITATION to ever area down the director and %HESITATION that G. every about I was some eighty area director role was wasn’t an area that I was in it was a different area says different areas in Toastmasters area thirty three so not thank you because I I had to go meet these %HESITATION people one talk to them I know I made a point of actually going to notice the five minimum pool I nine AM %HESITATION made a point of going to see these people want to %HESITATION to blocks to to help them so I think that that helped now we know Hey I had to push myself and to do that some %HESITATION I think it was in an area that I knew I might know of but I’m paying so much inclined to go out to meet them topping that helps going to these different clubs no my the point of going you know it’s as often as I could yeah that’s so important because %HESITATION as with anything you need to keep practicing you need to keep doing it you can’t just go to do one course or go to one meeting do one speech and %HESITATION by %HESITATION that set because one of the things I really am I that right and ready inspires me about Toastmasters isn’t actually just about how when you see people going from where they started to where they are now but actually when you see people here are people who are accomplished speakers even maybe do public speaking as our as our profession they still consistently attend Toastmasters yeah because it it’s I think %HESITATION I’ve heard someone compare it to like if if if you’re going to the gym like you need to keep going to get in shape but once you’re in shape you need to still keep going to maintain that status because even though like you you got your distinguished toastmaster ward was it two years ago yeah it was a couple years ago yeah I know you’re still a you still attend Toastmasters regularly yes yeah yup I think it’s M. yeah I did I think it is simple enough going down it’s got a boat which is on a day and night a bunch club is offering I needed to push myself so join in that club I’m not when I first joined them the Excalibur I was really scared and really %HESITATION to got my comfort zone that I’m not sure well not well just imagine the sound dumb I’m not showing off but always made when I was C. area director of mind you have yet to return the year all presents an alleged member of effect yet this conference when they was making these mobile and then the lady who’s the %HESITATION area %HESITATION area D. G. V. division director she M. mention mon nine not nearly any need for that the check was going to mention one nine thing on C. M. area of governor of the year and now come and gone that long was she crying all right away another is told by a somebody like that a lot of other people in the audience was cracking as well so I didn’t know that at the time yeah he told me that you said people was really happy hi B. for me not so nice I thank so what does it feel like when you look back to how you were as a young boy as a teenager as a young as a young adult struggling with your speech and now it’s like you’re winning awards and it’s like you’ve made a complete turnaround yes el Watan I’m if I was told when I was at school I’ll be doing a string of telling to go away and not to be so silly published wed but No Way and yeah I don’t know with three having a competent strategy to this something on notice well it’s not just people that stem a bit even accomplished because the schedule Toastmasters member one toastmaster tell me they took aim at six weeks before yet she stood up open to six meetings before yet she said anything he said he was in the background things you know that so scared of doing anything but he did have a starter non non non non yeah well there you go it when you hear when you hear those kinds of stories of people who are for people who are fluent that you think gosh because I was to think what what’s your problem thank you well what is there to be scared off but yeah it’s it’s a real fair I think it’s like %HESITATION I can’t remember where it ranks in terms of like and in terms of the people’s biggest fears but I think it’s I think it’s very high at the top people in terrified of it yeah I think it’s one of men’s because fairies from public speaking yeah nothing as well because people that stamina you must have we %HESITATION we we want to do it and she’s just that little bit more renowned why we want to do it and it’s really helping us out with Russian assets to to actually do it yeah absolutely I’m not test us that’s just what I was thinking as well like if you did not have a starter do you think you would have gone this far with your speech number number proved probably not on public bean of young white whatever I want to do that yeah well I but we don’t want to do that sort of thing yeah yeah nothing at the S. M. help with that and I know you as well you will you’ll be noticeably when you do table topics you’re off stadium question off the top of your head another upping to closure of a club you can see people sitting in the chair hygiene not one to be honest that term kings because everybody wants to do a type of topic yeah I think most people on the astonishing that people that stem a want to get them I want to push themselves nothing we have %HESITATION kings because it’s only one of four clubs in the world that Tom that’s right people that’s the most social anxiety sorry to be in that environment you know repeat what else he’s doing that is there for the same reason that you’ll they’re offering that really helps definitely I think especially being around people who are really proactive yeah %HESITATION about their challenges because I know that I’ve heard that there are some support groups I just kind of complain all they hate stuttering and I hate this and it’s so hard in which it is but at the same time %HESITATION we have to get on with it yeah that’s right we have to find a way %HESITATION and yeah I that’s why I really love the the the proactive mindset yeah cause unknown when I first oh in touch Muscatine kings wasn’t about that time so I started off with them hi using Lisa no more and no club noble people and %HESITATION I phone because I don’t think help I wouldn’t have gone less it was my friend %HESITATION Barry who introduced me to touch mostly on my aim at Tom king term stoppage and he was helping his new club at the Thomas Jones with and I don’t think I wouldn’t have gone on my own I went because he and he’s helped me a lot actually not just protest mounted but whoever things and I’m still good friends with him today okay it’s really helps a lot nothing you you need that you need to have people to to understand you and to help you out say isn’t that saying and no man is an island that’s why that’s why it’s like come back in a I hope you like being a mentor you need someone to to to do that cuppa mantra ten it’s got a bonus helped me a lot as well right these speeches yeah yeah it definitely is so important to be in a supportive environment the restaurant and so just thinking back %HESITATION what has been %HESITATION like some of the key up practices that you which have helped you to overcome some of your main challenges and also attained the successes that you’ve had to I’m hoping might be what’s helped me is Donald I’m helping other people I think not so help me I push myself a little bit more because I want to help other people another one nine or six kings a young lady that time comes well you you you that you know her %HESITATION tia and %HESITATION somehow we saw a huge open honest thoughts to help her son member when she first time at the club during the break I’m impossible came up and down going on can do this I can do this and nothing that’s what so many people you have not could help this could help on and she did the area director job as well for one of the things she wanted to do and I was %HESITATION assistant director the help to that way yeah %HESITATION so is it like because I know M. some people say that they learn more when they’re teaching and supporting someone else yes because I would you say that’s right for you don’t think so yeah yeah because I’m putting to practice what what what so I’m not myself absolutely another member of the first time someone asked me about Toastmasters Alonso this group well I just went into another room I had told him all about enough Photoshop of it what was that maybe yeah yeah G. find something that makes sense to someone some people asking me for help not spreading yeah because it shows how far you’ve come as well the people look up to you and %HESITATION and respect you for what you have achieved yeah I think so yeah yeah but some help too and it seemed I’m not just some people join Toastmasters for or what they might have to give a speech will go in want to do a different job I didn’t do it for that reason start with today as help me at work and my name my confidence is help me with that bass help to work as well now I’m fine don’t let us have yeah absolutely I mean %HESITATION I think with the skills that we learned in Toastmasters they don’t really mean much unless we’re able to apply them in real life yeah that’s right get good you can do these things that touch monsters thank you to bring them to upside down a lot what I am doing that type of talk that helps because your boss my initial question then you go on a trip to top it had absolutely and I think even like with this podcast that I’m doing hi not %HESITATION gone to Toastmasters after all those years %HESITATION to build my confidence there this is like %HESITATION this is like one of my worst nightmares having this microphone in my face having all these commerce on you know if you told me like even five years ago that that’s what you’re going to do no here are you kidding that No Way the cause a member when you first become the president of kings yeah something funny you said unless you sign them %HESITATION I’m a a young lady okay we’ve had middle aged men yeah president and time for a young lady to take cover yeah yeah that’s true yeah that was yeah because I remember my first time all right I king speakers I was also invited by a friend and I was just like why I’m going to I’m not saying anything I’m just going to sit back and yeah it’s it’s amazing when you see that transformation within yourself yeah and the only way I’m sure you would agree is that that that that I was able to go from just being too petrified to say anything to them being %HESITATION the the club president is just showing up consistently like I don’t think %HESITATION I think it’s only so I’ve been going for just over five years and this year was I think the first year that I missed two consecutive %HESITATION meetings and that was because I only because I had to I was away like on a course or and then I was doing something else I just how it how it had worked out otherwise like he’s like I’m there every week yeah unless like a mess %HESITATION I’m on holiday or or or or if I’m not wild but yeah yeah because I remember when I push join Toastmasters the prime minister meeting on felt like up until come back which is so true you can fill it and even if we have when we have that break over Christmas there might be like %HESITATION two or three weeks sorry three three or four weeks sometimes %HESITATION between between meetings and then when I come back I do I do feel a bit like %HESITATION it does I do feel that fear again sometimes and it just goes to show dyke we have to put in you have to put in the practice consistently yes yes that’s very true yeah you you bring in the even of people done stomach another still is the same problem as well by AM slept that back she said that to me about the signs of being contested and %HESITATION so you’ve talked about like what things %HESITATION have have helped you to overcome your challenges and %HESITATION what has brought you success in which is he said like you %HESITATION it helped a lot to be able to support and help other people and I am just too as we are getting to wrap up %HESITATION I just want to ask you %HESITATION how do you practice your most important values or maybe tell us like what what are what kind of things do you value the most and I think just from listening to you I think two things really %HESITATION strike in may and that’s %HESITATION courage and empathy yes yeah is there anything else to add to that moping around eight AM the courage to sign on like to a push myself ma’am a any chance I get to do something different right let’s take him to the park costs yelping yeah on thing I mean I need to to push myself even other other people say that I don’t stem cell why do you need to to do this I I need I think I need to keep pushing myself and the date is coverage because the coverage up I’m scared of heights so I’ve I’ve done a couple things for for that yeah that that would help me with that what did you do I went to back to see how to use it go right did that I know when we were friends and it’s free %HESITATION levels on that go right by them well you you you your guests like to harness it will work in different heights across different soft things and there was free level it’s a lot to the process second level which he did with me and when it come to the first level he said I’ll I say shut up I’m giving up on the off chance that term now if you are calling give up I’ve got to go on to that next level any time and then he said to me I thought you might say that we should all new you’d say that yeah I need to if I start something I need to push myself to even out of my knuckles were white shorts sitting at the right yeah yeah I’ve done that go a thing as well yeah I it’s it’s scary especially on the last I was but that’s that’s exactly the right spirit to have you know you just you face your fear head on yeah and and %HESITATION anyway yeah I feel the fear and do it anyway yeah %HESITATION but also right what other kind of %HESITATION small ways that you practice courage because I know you shared some examples of me before %HESITATION right yeah yeah it’s some if buying %HESITATION I still have some fear what a Lexus I am one of them but I it’s to do with the food and not going through this car every now and again I went in there this morning actually just before the pope cough and %HESITATION they were these two tomatoes so I trying iota if I’m gonna hold something I make sure I have tomatoes with it as well fantastic excel funds that yeah I’m not back Sheesh when the waitress who said to me it’s normally the same one I mentioned this to her said %HESITATION that statement on go to spam and I’m to monetization one of my favorites and she sell what I understand she said don’t worry delusional problem so she so be nice to talk to someone %HESITATION site to someone else about that as well with the as hoped yeah opposite I think are really I really like that example because it it it just goes to show how we need to practice this at every opportunity that we have yeah and there’s another example it could be used at what Congress from working security in the security line come supervisor or line managers well and we have to use the right here and there’s one word adult film breaking any rules yeah yeah with one word that China uses received I don’t know why okay stuff consignment and someone else said mail use a different word just said no no no I need to use that word this way you’ll know yourself that if you avoid avoid your gonna be thinking or what did not say that perhaps there is not even like if you avoid that word then you’re you’re going to avoid one more and then you you know once you start avoiding word you start avoiding just speaking or or %HESITATION whole entire situations yeah that’s very true yeah yeah but yeah that’s a perfect example yeah your truck are trying %HESITATION even if I get stuck on the word I take a breath and then go for again upping the neon the sun the %HESITATION but I learned not only stop as close as well I have a sample of people doing it they get stuck on the road they stop take a breath and then go again how fantastic while we’re coming to the end of our time Brian %HESITATION is there actually a there is a question wanted to ask you so for people who don’t have a starter what would you want them to know about stuttering that maybe they don’t but you think that they might not be aware of I thought I don’t want to go up said a person stamina thing given the time to say what what I want to say given our content because the eye contact helps as well on the when I was on the young person’s stoppage grocery eleven to sixteen year olds as a young boy then I said to him %HESITATION give me on he said I don’t not looking to men’s are not I don’t posted by that will help you if you do that yeah as part of the %HESITATION the the let the learning yeah nothing came from people give people the time to say what I want to try and not rush people yeah because another sometimes I still do it I talked too fast because I’m a people speaking counseling I have to do that and then I keep reminding myself now not slow down because that have you speak that will help absolutely and what words of encouragement would you have to other people who stutter M. I would say trump well what I am trump pushes so push out your comfort zone it’s not the end of the world your stomachs are somewhat since I yes I will yeah just do what you want to die if you want to coach Tice losses you can numb but there’s a lot to pay public touch touch masa so you could always find out about Toastmasters or if you want to join them a support group all a guide to stop Fishel McGuire cassette and missed this past summer some things as well to you can you know different %HESITATION such groups that that can help you so yes it is find out what because you can get only M. internet there’s lots of things that you can put in just put in stammering okay different things will come up to help you can I see it’s just one when I A. finished the three day S. B. trickles a deep dish actually just come back to me I made up the side of polling %HESITATION yeah please do yeah Amanda this poem because you’re totally breathing technique to take a breath before you speak and %HESITATION I make this when I got home on the Friday I started to write things down two things I want to do the things that was so help me and now my disappointment it’s some when I use control I can say without want to when I want to with control comes confidence with confidence I can do what I want when I want to no more anger no more tears no more frustration the positive we are proud recapping stem well that’s beautiful definitely a really really nice way to and %HESITATION the conversation as well thank you so much prime for sharing all of that %HESITATION I really really appreciated it %HESITATION your story your experiences all the things that you’ve learned as being a really really such a pleasure thank you so much thank you for calling bye to me and let me say them things as we said earlier a few years ago we we would never have done this it really is great pleasure and good luck with whatever you do in the future thank you very much thank you very much for food thank you very much for listening %HESITATION if you enjoyed this episode please subscribe so you can keep up to date %HESITATION with new episodes and if you like this and you’d like to think someone else would benefit from this %HESITATION please share with your friends until next time thank you very much